It has definitely been chaotic these past few months. I had to move out of my dorm at university and move back home for the summer in March, and since then, my whole family has been cooped up in the house together. Having so many people in one house has been sometimes nice, and sometimes can get pretty stressful. I’m lucky enough to have a relatively large house and a big room, so I have an escape when I need time to myself.
At the beginning of the lockdown, there were lots of jokes about how introverts must be loving the situation. After all, everyone has to stay home and basically stay in pajamas all day long if you want! But after months of this way of life, it’s clear that this wasn’t the ideal situation for introverts or anyone else for that matter. I’ve started to realize that I really value my time alone when I can be left to do whatever sounds fun, like journaling, budgeting, gaming, or anything else I can think of. It’s stressful sometimes when the chaos of so many different lifestyles in one house follows me up to my private escape.
While I’m so grateful that I’m not in lockdown alone like I was at university, I sometimes don’t set limits for myself and spend a lot of my time with others instead of thinking about what I really want to be doing. I often feel like I have to spend all my time doing something for my family, partly because there’s always so much to do around the house, and partly because I think we all feel like we should be spending quality time together, but all of us also enjoy doing our own things above all.
When I wrote about spending time on myself in my drafts, I read over it a few times and just kept thinking it sounded so off to me. It sounds selfish to say it somehow, but after thinking about it a lot, I don’t think it can be selfish to want more of a balance between taking care of myself and spending time with others. After all, I decide how I spend my time, despite the unforeseen circumstances that always come up — but that’s just part of life.
So, taking a break from all the wonderful and terrifying chaos happening all over the world, I’m learning to create a balance. This period of time is one of change, and we can make that change for the better.
